Give it All to God

When John and I got engaged we talked about kids, yes before I said I do, I wanted to make sure we had the same ideas for our future. We had a LONG conversation on how many we would like to have. 2, 4, 5, 6...... 3, finally settling on 4. Lil did we know when we tried to take that into our hands. We then picked names that we both liked and would like our children to have. Again this was before those I dos. We talked and talked. Really glad we did this before getting pregnant. ;) we decided to pick 2 boy names and 2 girl names.
Daniel John was first on the list. Daniel after the biblical Daniel. Strong name for a son. John after his daddy.
AshLynn Rose was the next, think we have a pattern lol. Lynn is a middle name in both our families, my mom is Stacey Lynn, my sister is Jacquelynn, John's sister is Jennie Lynn, his aunt is Lynn. Rose is so very important to me. My Great Grandmother's name is Lois Rose, I picked rose after her because she means so much to me. Growing up we ALWAYS had Christmas Eve at their house Great Grandpa loved Christmas! She is a beautiful, strong women who I hope AshLynn grows up to be just like her!
Next well..... I think we will keep those next few ;) don't wanna give em away. We have talked about a few other names as we only picked 2 of each, but nothing solid yet. Well maybe hehe.
Well maybe I should explain why the title is Give it All to God. It all started with our first loss. I went on birth control thinking WE could control when we have a baby. No God said I control this not you. I went off it but we lost the baby at just 6/7weeks. We didn't realize we were losing the baby til it was too late. It was hard on me. We decided right then we would never use birth control again. We had no power to pick and choose when we would have a baby. A year to the week that we concieved our first God blessed us with another baby. We were very happy! After Dan was born we gave him back to God. We still wanted to try to control when we had a baby, why not sure. So when Dan was 4/5m we talked one night now we would try for another when Dan was 10 or so months. I have a feeling God was having a huge laugh at us right then. A few weeks or maybe a month later I was so sick, I thought maybe its just the heat from the Korea summer. Nope I tested and was carrying our lil girl. Now here comes the oh I trust but....... Yes I said to everyone we trust God to give us another baby, but I didn't in my own heart. So I kept trying and stressing and trying and saying God you have this, but I never once let him have it. A year passes and still no baby. I was beginning to get depressed something was wrong. That's when I was reminded that God gives and takes away. If I was going to say I trust him, I was really going to have to trust Him! So I gave God it all! From that moment on the stress was lifed. Oh how much relief that is. God took all the worries away. When I gave it to God we also gave the number of children we would have to Him. Yes indeed we did. We have no idea if we will only have 2 kids or 12 kids! Only God knows! I do struggle but am always reminded to give it all back to God. I can't control it! I can't worry about it! Why should I? God is perfect and knows what is best for us if we will only trust in Him. I am blessed with my lil family and will be happy to open our home to another baby some day. Give it All to God! He will lift your burdens and carry the weight!
So now that I no longer have to worry about stressing and trying to have a baby, I am focusing on losing weight.

Kylie